Tender Moments

Tonight I was snuggling Lyric and I just thought about how lucky I am to have these tender moments with him. So many parents have lost their baby during the pregnancy or shortly after the birth but I get to hold and sing to my baby. I just feel very blessed.

Also while having the tender moment with my monkey it made me miss the moments we had while I was pregnant. That was such a special time and I miss having him with me every moment and him just being all mine. I got to always feel him and have that close bond. I love that he has a great daddy but at the same time sometimes I don't like sharing him! I know it sounds crazy but its the truth. While he was in my belly he felt like he was all mine. Now that it has passed I realize how much I miss it. Since I had such a hard pregnancy I truly never thought I would miss it but I now can't remember the hard stuff only the good times of him kicking, singing to him on my long drives to and from work and cradling my belly to sleep and knowing we were always together. Now I have to leave him to go to college and I miss him every moment.

I just love him so very much and he is my song.

Disgusted

I watched a documentary on Investigative Discovery about the Phelps Family and their Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas. I have never felt more disgusted in my life. This family and their Church run a cult and protest military funerals. They hold signs saying Fags are going to hell, Fag Lovers and other horrible hatred messages. They tell anyone that isn't doing exactly what they believe that they are going to hell. I believe that I do not have the right to judge others and say where they are going when they die because I have my own sin to worry about. This church rejoices when people die, get cancer, get hit by cars or anything else saying its God righteous judgement. True Christians knows that the pain and death of this world is not God. Satan controls this world. We have free will to choose God he doesn't cause pain and death unto us. Blaming him for it is just wrong.  I have never seen people more concerned with spreading hate then leading people to God.

Never in my life have I ever wanted to beat the crap out of someone more than the mother leading her children out into the world spreading those hateful messages. How dare you think that it is even remotely okay to decide if someone is going to "hell" you are not God and the fact you are parading around giving out those judgements will come back to bite you when you meet him and answer what have you done in your life. To watch these poor children and teenagers grow up with so much judgement and hate in their hearts brings tears to my eyes. Watching little children (4, 5 and 6 year olds) yell out Fag Nation and Fag Lovers breaks my heart. They are growing up hearing such vile language and it is being ingrained in them. To protest a military funeral is so shameful. Whether you go to war or not how dare you shove signs calling the soldiers "Fag Lovers" and "Thank God for dead soldiers" when their family and friends are mourning their lives. Those men and women died fighting for your ignorant ass to stand their and protest. Try doing that in the middle east and you will be murdered but here in the United States, which you say is a Fag Nation, we allow freedom of speech. It so foul I just cant get over it. We all are going to meet our maker and how dare you think you have a right to pass your judgement on me "in the name of God". You are seriously mistaken about the God I serve that's for sure.

I am going to raise my son to be kind and compassionate to those that might not be living the way you choose to live. To love anyone because that my friend is a commandment. You are to love others the way Jesus has loved you. I don't understand why people spread a message of God's hatred when his love is so powerful. His love can change a persons life. God loves each and every person and cries every time we sin. I know he is shedding so many tears watching these people spread lies regarding him and his love.

Oh and their leader Fred Phelps is the most vile and disgusting person I have ever heard preach. He cusses during his sermons and is and old, arrogant asshole.

If you want to read more about them their website is: www.godhatesfags.com

Finding Peace

Do we as "Christians" really show love by judging others lives and choices? How can we imagine what its like to be in someones position and know what they have been through. The choices we make whether right or wrong in someone elses' eyes is our journey. Sometimes it takes someone a long time to get where others already are and have been. You should be happy you haven't had to go through what others have that might have held them back in darkness.

We need to find peace and acceptance within ourselves so that we can look at others with love and not judgement. We are not God and have no idea the personal struggles and pain someone has and gone through. As "Christians" we need to only love with a pure heart and allow God to use us in any way he desires.

I feel a lot of people tend to allow their pride to elevate themselves above others thinking they are doing good when actually they are damaging another person. When we go into the world waving a Jesus flag and act in a judging way we push people farther away from him than bringing people to him.

One sin is not better/worse than another sin...it's just that some sin is visable to the outside world. You should look at your own secret sin and work on that first.

Family Photos

We had a great family photo session last night. We had met with her (Beckie the photographer) a few weeks ago but I hated the way I looked in them so she came and met up with us again. Now I want to just say that it had nothing to do with her photography but rather my self image problem. So here is some really good shots we got from yesterday. We should have them all within a week or so. The photographer that did them is amazing...here is her blog (hint we are on it! http://ellenwalterstudio.com/blog )

Understanding

I need some advice or understanding really bad. I'm so annoyed with people's actions but at the same time I know I'm not perfect. I try to be a good friend and call, visit, text or write my friends as much as I can. I know I fall short in some areas but try extremely hard. How is it that somehow my "friends" here still get upset with me. We live in the same town and I have lots of friends and family and I do my best at seeing people and keeping in contact but at the same exact time the phone works BOTH ways. Don't blame me for not calling when you obviously have a phone too. The worst part is that its not malicious at all on my end. I get so busy and with life, baby and family it gets exhausting. I'm starting to really get upset about one ended friendship. When I am the only one trying and always getting the flack then obviously I'm the only one that cares so why not just let the friendship end! When I moved away only 2 people actually came down and visited me in a whole year!!! But every time I would come up to town people would get upset if I didn't come see them? Why is the ball only in my court? Why are people acting like we are still in high school? It's so frustrating and irritating I just want to scream.

I love my friends that I can call or text out of the blue and just catch up like no time has passed because they are adults who have their own lives and understand what friendship actually means. I have some great friends who live far away like Tammy, Michelle, Jenni, Tristan, Sandy, Natalie, Sara and Annie who I can talk with whenever we get a free moment and its just an uplifting good friendship. That is what gets me through crap like this.

I think that hardest thing about friendships is knowing when they have run their course. Knowing that some are just for a season in your life and its okay if they end. They don't have to end badly but they don't have to be dragged through your life cause when its forced that is when I think it ends bad.

So after all this reflection on my part why then do I still let it get to me. Why do I want so badly for my "friends" not be angry at me? I'm a mom now and working on finishing my education I just don't have time for this but at the same time I hate when people are mad at me even when I don't feel like its my fault. Then I try to fix it and most of the time its by me eating crow that I should be on the other persons plate. To me it just shows that I need better boundaries and left go of hurtful relationships!

Ugh...so after all this I'm still upset and wish I knew how to make sense of all my feelings!

Lyric is 4 months today

My baby boy is already 4 months old today. Its so amazing to know that I have been able to be his mommy and watch him grow these last 4 months. He is such a happy baby and smiles all the time. He has started to reach for his toys and even tries to hold his bottle. He sleeps so well for only being 4 months. His favorite things has to be his daddy. They are so cute together and have such a strong bond already. It seems like everyday he is more and more alert and changing so much.

Being his mommy is the best thing I have ever done and will ever do in my life.

I just LOVE him!

Moving

Man moving was so crazy and stressful but the chaos is over. We are in our new place in Oroville and almost all done unpacking. All we need is to put up the books and dvds and then hang pictures and curtains. Should all be done today!

It has been nice being back here and seeing my friends and family. I have so missed them. Our place is not bad at all either. Its an apartment but its in the corner of a complex and we are on the bottom floor with no one above us so that is nice. Its quiet and the layout is working well with our stuff so the flow is good. Lyrics room is all done and its just too cute! Im going to get some pictures of the house in the next few days and post them.

I have a written test on Friday for a job I applied for at the City of Chico! Hoping it goes well!

More Changes

So Josh and I have had to make some big decisions lately. I don't know if people know this but I was supposed to go back to work on May 9th which was the end of my maternity leave. To my shock my job was no longer available. Everyone in my department had been laid off. It was upsetting but at the same time I was like okay well I will just get another job. I have now been trying for 2 months and haven't gotten anything. We had moved to Amador County last year from Oroville and its a smaller county with not much opportunity and more expensive. So we are having a hard time now financially and don't want to get deep and would rather be proactive than reactive.

So we have decided we have to move back to Oroville. We can get an place to live for a lot cheaper almost half of what we are paying here and the opportunity for me to find a job is better in that area. This is very hard because we do love where we live and will miss Josh's family but we have to do what we can as a family. Also we will be breaking our lease and not sure the repercussions yet with our landlord but we are in a bind and know if we continue to stay here we will get behind and it will be worse in a few months. So we can only pray that everything will work out.

So anyone that does read this blog if you could include our family in your prayer's that we can find peace in the move and that we can allow God to guide us through this rough time.

Thanks

My bubba

Lyric is just so amazing. I love this little man more and more every moment of every day. He is so happy in the mornings and his personality is shinning. He wakes up and coos and giggles playing by himself. He smiles so much during the day and "talks" to his daddy all the time.

So here is my baby with so much cuteness I can't stand it!

Holy Pee

So i just changed the heaviest diaper full of pee in my life! Lyric was napping and suddenly woke up screaming. I am getting used to his cries and can tell usually what is wrong. Right away I thought oh he probably peed out of his diaper onto his clothes cause he hates that. Well thankfully it wasn't on is clothes but it was sagging so bad.

Right after I got it off, wiped him down and put the new diaper on him he immediately fell back asleep.

Hilarious!

What a difference a year makes

So Im sitting here thinking about my one year wedding anniversary next month. It so crazy to think its been a year. I think because we have had so many huge changes within this year it feels like we have been married so much longer. Here are the changes we have had since getting married: moved 2 1/2 hours away, got pregnant, learned how to communicate and live as partners, had a wonderful baby boy, dealt with money and job problems and still came together every day as husband and wife.

My husband is truly my best friend and the one person I know loves me unconditionally. With all our ups and downs this past year the best times I have had have been with my husband and now our baby. He has given me the best gift of Lyric and I never thought I would become a mother and he gave that to me even if it was a surprise!

Josh is the most loving, thoughtful, funny, caring, strong husband and father. As our year anniversary approaches I will just focus on the life I have and the gifts I have been given. I am very blessed and sometimes I allow myself to go to a blue place.  Now I just have to figure out an amazing special surprise for him to due on June 12th....not sure yet but I want to do something for him so that feels so loved. It has been a hard few months since having the baby and my emotions all crazy so I need to spend our anniversary thanking my husband for everything.

 Our wedding day :)

 Our first Christmas as a family (baby Lyric in my belly)

 Wedding day again :)

Trip in October 2010

Sad

So Im watching some stupid talk show while Lyric is sleeping and I find it so sad. These women have so many children and testing all these men to find out who that daddy is and there is amazing men and women out there dying to get pregnant. It is just sad. I don't understand sometimes why some people are able to bear children and sometimes multiple times when others struggle so much.

I don't know if I will ever understand that and I know that is something that I pray about all the time to try and have peace about with God.

Crib time?

Looking for some advice from the other moms out there. I still haven't put Lyric in his crib yet for a nap let alone to sleep at night. He is now 2 months old and the other girls in my breastfeeding support group say their daughters have been in their crib since 6 weeks or earlier. Im wondering if anyone has tips or ways I can start to transition him to the crib. I love to cuddle with him and I hardly put him in his bassinet anymore I just put him in bed with us. I do know that I want to have my bed back to just me and my husband but I just don't know how to start.

Thanks :)

Medical News

So I have had some medical issues since having Lyric and now its come to a head. I don't want to get all into things on the blog and stuff but I just ask anyone who does read my blog to pray for me. I just want to have a clear picture of what it might be so I can deal with the reality of it all.

Thanks :)

Song that touched me

I heard this song on the radio while driving and then saw the video and it really touched me. Made me think about how short life is, how much I miss people that are no longer on this earth, how Lyric will not know some people that have been important to me and Josh and so much more.

No matter what you believe or what church you go to we all are can understand how much it hurts to loose someone you love and how you would give anything to have just one more moment, day or conversation with. This song is about that. Its just amazing.

Its by Justin Moore and its called If Heaven wasn't so far away. You should look it up.

Every day I drive to work across Flint River bridge
One hundred yards from the spot where me and grandpa fished
There's a piece of his old fruit stand on the side of Sawmill Road
He'd be there peelin' peaches if it was twenty years ago
What I wouldn't give
To ride around in that old truck with him

If heaven wasn't so far away
I'd pack up the kids and go for the day
Introduce them to their grandpa
Watch 'em laugh at the way he talks
I'd find my long lost cousin John
The one we left back in Vietnam
Show him a picture of his daughter now
She's a doctor and he'd be proud
Then tell him we'd be back in a couple of days
In the rear view mirror we'd all watch him wave
And losing them wouldn't be so hard to take
If heaven wasn't so far away

I'd hug all three of those girls we lost from the class of '89
And I'd find my bird dog Bo and take him huntin' one more time
I'd ask Hank why he took those pills back in '53
And Janis to sing the second verse of "Me and Bobby McGee"

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/if-heaven-wasnt-so-far-away-lyrics-rhett-akins.html ]

Sit on a cloud and visit for a while
It'd do me good just to see them smile

If heaven wasn't so far away
I'd pack up the kids and go for the day
Introduce them to their grandpa
Watch 'em laugh at the way he talks
I'd find my long lost cousin John
The one we left back in Vietnam
Show him a picture of his daughter now
She's a doctor and he'd be proud
Then tell him we'd be back in a couple of days
In the rear view mirror we'd all watch him wave
And losing them wouldn't be so hard to take
If heaven wasn't so far
If heaven wasn't so far
If heaven wasn't so far away

So far away
So far away

Me and my baby

Just a couple pics of me and one of my favorite guys in the whole world.

Flower from my hubby

My hubby is the most amazing guy ever! When we were at his aunts house today he drew this for me outside! I love him SO much :)

We have been married 10 months today so this was just a sweet gesture and since my husband knows me so well he knows this would melt my heart more than real flowers!

lots of pics

If you want to check  out our baby blog its www.lyricwaylon.blogspot.com I have put up the birth story and daily pics. Its pretty awesome!

Lyric's Debut

Here is our big boy :)

 He gave himself a hickey from sucking on his arm

 Not happy...but oh so cute

 Daddy feeding Lyric trying to raise his blood sugars

Our chunky premie (36 weeks along...8 pounds 14 oz)

29 today...

So today is the big birthday of me turning 29...yuck. Its crazy to think that Im finally getting to be a mom when I had counted that out for myself. Nothing in my life has gone according to the plan I had when I was 18 but I wouldn't change a thing. Im so blessed and happy right now and can't wait for this new chapter in my life. I feel overwhelmed and not ready to be a mom but at the same time so excited for it. I feel like this is truly a life changing time for me. So many things have changed in my outlook in life, my spirit and my heart during these past 35 weeks and now as I celebrate my another year of my life I know soon I get to celebrate my sons life.


Im one lucky gal :)

Officially 34 weeks

So here is two pictures of me today at 34 weeks...this is getting too ridiculous. I am looking like a house!

About to head out to Church this morning

Then in more comfortable clothes at home after

I feel like I am going to pop. I don't know how there is room for him to get any bigger. I'm so ready for this to be over :)

Baby Blog

Hey guys I have a blog for our little man www.lyricwaylon.blogspot.com go take a quick look at my first post and see what Im planning so you can be a part of it if you would like :)

Off work but on bed rest

Wow this has been a crazy couple of weeks. It seems like Lyric is wanting to come out a little too early! So in order to keep in my belly to continue cooking my doctor has taken me off work and put me on bed rest. Lets just say Im on day three and going insane!!!

My husband is great and doing everything for me but Im so bored. I feel like I have nothing to get up and get dressed for. I feel like Im wasting away. Ive never not worked in my life and this just seems like its going to be a long road for me till my baby comes. Once he comes I know I will cherish the time I have with him before going back to work and want to spend every moment with him but now...its just waiting.

I have a few things to coming up that will be fun before baby Lyric arrives...

I turn 29 on March 2nd

Mom flying in on March 2nd

Baby showers on March 5th and 6th

Then shortly after hopefully meeting my little man and seeing my world change!

Here I am at 30 weeks and a couple days

My boy is just popping out!

Homemade Baby Food

I have been reading up on this for the last week or so and have gotten some really quick and easy recipes.

Does anyone have experience with it? Tried it? Anything? I know it will be taking some of my time but the prepare time is really quick most are about 10-20 mins and you can freeze them and just date them and your all set.


I know I am a first time mother and have no idea what is it like to have a newborn and then all that comes with them as they get older but I guess I like the idea of being the chef for my little special one as well as knowing exactly what is going in his mouth.

The recipes I have gotten show all the nutrition facts and I like that I am cooking with all fresh ingredients.

Any thoughts?

26 weeks

Yeah today I am 26 weeks along! 14 more to go till I meet this little man who has stolen my heart.

It is also my 6th day without coffee or soda at all. It was a hard first few days but I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It is so much better for Lyric and me as well. It has helped me with the swelling and hopefully keeping my weight down at a healthy level.

We have another appt tomorrow and we are getting another ultrasound which is so exciting. We haven't seen our little guy since week 20 so I can't wait to see how much he has changed!

I will post pics!